That time of year

So it is that time of year where we should be thankful for family, friends and life...but it seems that the world doesn't get that so I am going to at least do my part in being thankful even if everything isn't perfect.
I know I have moved around a lot over the last few years, but looking back I see that I was in some good places even though I didn't think so at times.
First I ran back to AZ after I graduated from college with no plan and ended up staying with my grandparents for two years, who also had moved back around the same time. This was interesting and I am soo thankful that they let me in and helped me out so much, but even more so that it just happened that way, because when grandpa had heart issues and ended up in and out of the hospital I was there. Of everyone I think me and grandma were the two that can remember exactly the last conversations we got to have with him. He came back from a hospital stay and came in and we talked about how the nurses had to keep checking his catheters which were in a private area so he tried to be modest and cover himself when they did, but they seemed unfazed and was finally like "well ok if they don't care I don't care". This made me laugh really hard. That said I am so very grateful that I even had the opportunity.

I then left again and went to Arkansas to take a position at a non-profit camp for at risk youth in Little Rock. This time is still a bit confusing for me, but I know I learned a lot about myself and just new ways to think about things. It was hard and really tested me and in the end I think I ultimately fail because I left the position after some very intense circumstances. I think that came does wonderful things and has wonderful people involved with it and I hope that in my 6 months I helped make a difference for at least one kid. So while still confused and unclear on this one it did lead to my next one.
After leaving Arkansas I had no where to really go back to so I went back to where my parents are in Oklahoma a state I have never really had the desire to live in but that is how things go. I am thankful for this though because my mother recently got really sick and went to the hospital where they had to do emergency surgery. She almost died. If I had been somewhere else I probably would have had a much harder time getting down to where my parents live. My first visit mom was sedated and really had no idea I was there but it was really hard on my dad and I am glad I could be there for him. My second visit (Thanksgiving) mom was back in the hospital, but was awake the whole time and she knew I was there so it was nice to be there for her this time as well as my dad and sister.
So even though a lot of this is because of very sad things I am very glad at this point that I have been where I have been and thankful for my family, friends and life. 

Musings from college or something like it

Jesus

Though was nailed to a cross by men to blind to see and to deaf to hear, He was about and beyond it. His being surpassed this figure of two boards layed over each other. His glory and awesomeness is not justified by words spoken or written, it is even to great to be caught by even the biggest imagination. Though He was pierced by thorns, nails and a spear by men so weak and feeble His strength outshined the strongest redwood. His strength can't even be matched by superman. Though hungry and tempted for many days by one who needs no mention, the Lords will was that of the strongest armor ever made, adn in this He shined for and glorified His father who like His son never asked to much but always gave generously. Great is their legacy, but even greater is thier promise that even though we can't compare in glory, strength or will we may one day share in those with them in glorious harmony for the rest of eternity.

The Cross

A cross but not only a cross. A sign of lose and victory. A place of shame and fame. A symbol of great disgrace and great honor. Jesus was nailed upon such a cross so that he all the He had ever said would be disgraced, and shame anyone who had followed Him and believed the word He taught. What those who put Him there didn't know that His followers being truely taught by the son of God did know is that through that action they earned a great victory in the war against sin and death. Upon crucifing Him, a famous figure and not the shameful heap of man they wanted Him to be viewed as, Jesus became the greatest "celebrity". This cross, which for so many years had been so feared and ran away from became more than a cross, it became a symbol of a great victory and a symbol for many people who followed, follow and will follow Jesus to unit under.

That Guy

 There he was towards the end of his life a bitter, worn out old man, thinking about life and what it could have been. He now realizes how many times he thought a decision was going to be so big and affect his life so much ended up doing nothing for him and he also saw all those decisions he made without thinking and how much of a lasting impact they still have on his life. With that on his mind he wonders how thing could have been different if he could go back and change this or that, could he have been famous or rich or maybe happy, that thought has tormented him in his dreams for most of the last 15 years. His mind drifts to high school and college where the world was just waiting to open up for him and all things were possibilities for him. He was a good student, good at sports and decent with musical intraments, infact he was good at most anything he tried to do and there inturn was his down fall. Being a teenage boy good at anything he picked up led him to never really having to push himself at a young age which inturn led to him almost never pushing himself as an adult. Signs of this are seen all around his house where you can see many musical intraments that had not been played in years so long infact he probably forgot how to play them, there is also every kind of sporting equipment packed away in his closests some things on the verge of breaking the next time they are moved. Looking at this stuff he wonders if he could have been truly great at anyone of those things, because being a good student had gotten him through college with a degree even if his GPA had been pretty low and that degree which is now covered in dust had never really gotten him anywhere in life not even a decent job. With that thought he sit back down now sure that it had always been himself that sabatouged his life and any changes he wished he could make would still have lead him to this same spot in life, old bitter and and extremely wornout....

Just WOW

So recently I saw a few of my friends on Facebook posting anti-chick-fil-a pictures and boy-cot comments, something about being apposed to gay marriage. I didn't really know what it was about, but I assumed that it stemmed some where from being public about being founded on Christian principles. Today I saw that Chick-fil-a released a comment trying to correct the misunderstanding or fix their PR or whatever reason you want to say. So I looked up to see what started it all. I found a two paragraph article with a quote form the head guy at Chick-fil-a yes they were against Gay marriage and they believed in the traditional family (ie. one man one woman). Taking all this in there is just so much wrong going on here and it is frustrating. Maybe I will take on small stuff first.

1. Being against Gay "Marriage" does not equal hating Gay people nor being homophobic just doesn't. Some of the nicest people I have met have been Gay, do I agree with their lifestyle? No. Do I like them as people? Yes. And yes I did put quotes around marriage and that will be next point.
2. I don't understand why Gay people want to fight for a term and ceremony created and supported by an organization that is against their lifestyle. The church as far as my wisdom goes is the creator of what this country calls Marriage and that it is designed to be proclamation to others and a promise to each other and God that you will stay together. Now if they are fighting for the legal right to be in a union with another person and have all the legal benefits and responsibilities that is something different. I am not against people wanting to be in a union together and have the benefits and costs of all that includes, but I am against people taking something from the church and saying it isn't right unless you change it.
3. We are all messed up. I don't think I am better then any Gay person. I am messed up also, my crap might not be in the open, but it is there. Sin is sin, whether it is what we consider huge or small it still makes us imperfect and therefor unable to be with God, because He is perfect. Those two things can't mix. So in my view and my beliefs we all need help and forgiveness. The difference in all of it may be that I acknowledge my screw ups and would like to change them, where others don't think what they are doing is wrong and that is just the way it is. I as a Christian can't expect the world to conform to my view all the time, they simply don't know or believe because they views and ideas are of this world and the now, where my views and beliefs have changed towards God and what happens later.

So I have my views and others have theirs, I will continue to eat at Chick-fil-a  because their food is great and I am not apposed to anything they have said or done currently that I know of. They are sticking by their beliefs and I respect that. They will handle the push and move on, hopefully they don't compromise for monies sake, only change for beliefs sake.

Phone meet Water

Ok so it has been a pretty long time since I did anything on here...sorry bout that.

So there other day I introduced two of my friends, my cell phone and water. Needless to say they made a fast connection but it left my phone worse off then it was before. It is just a relationship that doesn't work out it hurts everyone involved.
Alright on to my real point. In trying to do cell phone cpr I went out and bought a small bag of rice (we didn't have any at the house) pulled the battery let it sit for a day tried to get it to dry out and hopefully work again. During this whole process I realized a couple of things that make me laugh now. On the days the phone was unresponsive, didn't want to turn on or anything I was really bummed and kind of upset (I lost all my numbers). Yet on the days that the phone wanted to turn on and do thing I was super happy and hopeful that it would make a full recovery.
Did you catch that word in there? Hope. The days that I believed that my phone had hope of working correctly for me I was lighthearted, happy and didn't let much get to me. The days I was without hope for my phone I was sad and irritated and disliked the hand me down phone that I am currently using.
This made me think about other things in my life and how I react to them. Relationships? When I am hopeful and see possibilities I am happy and nothing can touch me, but when I think things are hopeless....I act like they are. I was recently looking for a job, the days that I was hopeful and saw opportunity I was awesome and had a smile on my face, but the days I saw no hope I was a very pessimistic person.
Crazy idea huh? I know it really isn't and that when you sit and think about it that it is easy to see, but in the moments that it is happening it can be hard to realize.
All of this reminded me of a Bible verse, 1 Corinthians 13:13
^"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."
Think through all this it is obvious that those three things work with each other and having all three makes you take a different perspective on life. A positive one where things don't get you down the same way and you smile at least a little more then you used to.

Been a long time, long time

So it has been a few months since I have been on here and talked about what is going on. Well lets see, we got kids first session for five weeks, and had pretty good weather. It was definitely a learning experience because my cabin didn't go so well. Me and my co-counselor at the time really tried to learn from our mistakes and move on trusting we could fix some things in our next cabins. After that session we had some time at camp without kids where we cleaned up and did some training. Then we started second session I was helping in the class room this time. I really enjoyed it, I had thought about being a teacher previously so I was excited to see how I would do with my small math group. This session also had it's ups and downs that I tried to learn from and prepare myself more for my next cabin. We had Christmas break in the middle of this session which was nice because we could all get away a little but tough because we all got out of flow of camp, but everything ended well. After this session we again had some time without kids were we prepared and trained. During that time I flew out for my cousin Erica's wedding, I was a groomsman for her husband, it was a beautiful wedding and I know they will be happy together. This trip however made it really hard to get back into camp mode and had me struggling to focus when I got back a little. Which leads me to the third session, my new co-counselor and I were pumped we were really going to make our cabin rock and have tons of fun. The first week it looked like we might do just that, but as the week went on it slowing began to go down hill and everyone noticed. That weekend we talked, planned and even went out and bought some posters and other things for the cabin hoping to start to right the ship and really put our all into it. The week started and it was an uphill battle and we put as much into effect as we knew how to, but more times than not it did not go the way we hoped. This was capped off by a complete break down of the cabin on Thursday where everything went wrong and events I won't go into detail about on here. These events really shook me, so much so I lost all confidence in myself to do that job with those at-risk youth safely. In my effort to try and regain focus on my job I thought about if I should really be there anymore. After the kids went home for the weekend I decided that I didn't need to be there any long as I couldn't do the job effectively after 6 months of training and doing the job. Leaving didn't go quite as I had hoped but I can't change that. So here I am now in Oklahoma (a place I never thought I would have to call home) trying to figure out what I am going to do. I have resigned myself to changing my career path and am open now to pretty much anything I can find that will help me provide a real life for myself and hopefully a family one day.