Been a long time, long time

So it has been a few months since I have been on here and talked about what is going on. Well lets see, we got kids first session for five weeks, and had pretty good weather. It was definitely a learning experience because my cabin didn't go so well. Me and my co-counselor at the time really tried to learn from our mistakes and move on trusting we could fix some things in our next cabins. After that session we had some time at camp without kids where we cleaned up and did some training. Then we started second session I was helping in the class room this time. I really enjoyed it, I had thought about being a teacher previously so I was excited to see how I would do with my small math group. This session also had it's ups and downs that I tried to learn from and prepare myself more for my next cabin. We had Christmas break in the middle of this session which was nice because we could all get away a little but tough because we all got out of flow of camp, but everything ended well. After this session we again had some time without kids were we prepared and trained. During that time I flew out for my cousin Erica's wedding, I was a groomsman for her husband, it was a beautiful wedding and I know they will be happy together. This trip however made it really hard to get back into camp mode and had me struggling to focus when I got back a little. Which leads me to the third session, my new co-counselor and I were pumped we were really going to make our cabin rock and have tons of fun. The first week it looked like we might do just that, but as the week went on it slowing began to go down hill and everyone noticed. That weekend we talked, planned and even went out and bought some posters and other things for the cabin hoping to start to right the ship and really put our all into it. The week started and it was an uphill battle and we put as much into effect as we knew how to, but more times than not it did not go the way we hoped. This was capped off by a complete break down of the cabin on Thursday where everything went wrong and events I won't go into detail about on here. These events really shook me, so much so I lost all confidence in myself to do that job with those at-risk youth safely. In my effort to try and regain focus on my job I thought about if I should really be there anymore. After the kids went home for the weekend I decided that I didn't need to be there any long as I couldn't do the job effectively after 6 months of training and doing the job. Leaving didn't go quite as I had hoped but I can't change that. So here I am now in Oklahoma (a place I never thought I would have to call home) trying to figure out what I am going to do. I have resigned myself to changing my career path and am open now to pretty much anything I can find that will help me provide a real life for myself and hopefully a family one day.